KELLY WANTS YOU!

If you live in the Surrey area, 34-year-old Kelly has emailed me to inform English readers that she will be at the National Trust Woodland car-park, Tilburstow Hill, near Godstone, every Saturday night in August between 9 and 11 PM for some late night dogging action.

England Ace Frank Lampard loves his gold-plated Ipod so much that he has had his own face gold plated!!!

Unfortunately, thousands of gold-plated Frank Lampard ipods with his laser-etched signature on them have gone unsold, due to Lampard's and England's dire display at this year's World Cup. The company that produces this shiny bling crap, goldgenie, say they're going to melt them all down and produce a gold chastity belt for Madonna's daughter, Lourdes, at Madonna's request.

CUNTS YOU'D LIKE TO THUMP IN THE FACE TO MAKE THEM LOOK BETTER...Meet Sharon

Married "Loose Women" star Denise Welch breaks her own blowjob record in one week

44 times and counting this week with male stripper, the old married slapper.

ADAM ANT Comeback tour EXCLUSIVE: 7 fans turn up to his first gig in 20 years!

Mr Ant said to be "over-the-moon".

Romanian Gypsy Rights hottie, Lavinia Olmazu, helps 100s of Roma Gypsies claim £3 million in 21 month benefits scam in UK

Lavinia and her Roma gypsy criminal gang took the Uk taxpayer for a ride.She co-ordinated the fraud by providing the applicants with false work references which paved the way for nearly 200 Romanians to claim benefits they were not entitled to.

Scientists discover that people who continually give the bird generally have low IQs

They all have a tendency to prefer anal sex though...

World Exclusive: Yumi tries out first ever cam session with ** totally random ** guy in car

Dirty Slut

Music by Tom Parr

Paris Hilton showered with champagne in St Tropez...makes a change from cum

New Mel Gibson tape -- insanity due to Oksana not offering him sexual favors in the car anymore?

The modern single woman of 2010 just has too much time on her hands these days...

Too many choices, too much booze, and far too much free time.
Time to build a giant treadmill, so that they can be useful 24/7, generating electricity.

Fat Irish cunt Eamon Holmes threatened to sue BBC over comedy show

The BBC apologises to ITV presenter Eamon Holmes after a comedy programme, The Impressions Show, poked fun at his weight.

"I was fierce hungry, so I was." Belfast-born Holmes was depicted by comedian Culshaw eating a sofa, the jockey Frankie Detorri, and a vase of flowers.

Cougars of the Night...Meet Maryrosele, a taste of the orient...

One of her baps tastes sweet, while the other one tastes sour!

perv sends me deadlink url to peepshow-milf.com. Hopes to get it off the ground by 2012

Cougars of the Night...Meet Jane

Hard-partying Saudi Arabian princess gives a great blowjob, according to ex-Swedish lover...even wearing her Burkha with a Chanel logo on the back

Designer-clothes loving, cocaine-snorting Sara Al Amoudi gives evidence in London court case involving her Swedish lover and her Arab chauffeur, who were in involved in a bloody fight.

Cougars of the Night....Meet Alyson

Hard-up, cashless Fergie lifts Richard Branson's glowing wallet -- unfortunately for her it only contains a "way-to-go-Joe" condom

Sinking in a mire of debts of £2 million, Sarah Ferguson goes cap in hand to the Caribbean to party with Sir Richard Branson and his billionaire mates. She'll only blow guests for a cool £1 million!

Dutch nutters want World Cup Final Ref to pop his clogs

Death threats galore come across the North Sea to the Copper from England.
Oranje have only themselves to blame for their poor performance and dirty tactics in World Cup Final.

Stich chalks up his 1000th lay. His latest conquest, Cho Yee, says puppet sex has never been better

Walmart refuses Cassandra a straight swap for two bags of Cheesy Enchilada & Sour Cream Flavored Tortilla Chips

Mel Gibson really loves Oksana Grigorieva’s rubber tits

Doesn't your average women have better things to do with her time than this???

Dutch footballer Nigel De Jong wanted by Jackie Chan for his latest movie

Cheryl Cole has a lot to learn from Yumi!

Bunny girl's back..doing what she does best

Kelly Brook, daughter of Princess Leia, set to marry Jibab, Jabba the Hut's five year-old son!

Jason Statham to be best man.

fashion designer Roland Mouret hails Victoria Beckham's newly designed applique black dong dress!

A winner all round, according to the world of haute couture.

Ashley Cole up to his usual tricks at the Mondrian hotel poolside in LA with two British students cum wags cum-drinkers.

Melissa Naik and Ellie Hartley, both 20, like da black meat.

Heaven Help Yumi...

***WARNING: SCARY HORROR CLIP AS WOMAN (I think) DEVOURS A PREHENSILE PIECE OF LATEX ** Watch at your own risk

Controversial genetics expert, John Pendlebury-Stuart, thinks all teenagers between 14-17 with an IQ < 100 should be exterminated with flameflowers

Most teenagers agree with him.

Hand-of-god man feels like the arsehole-of-god man today, as his team are shafted well and good by Germans at World Cup

Cunt Diego Maradona now knows what it feels like to be shafted

BBC World Cup pundit, Alan Hansen, makes complete sense in some post-match analysis

A nice piece of ass...

No idea who she is, or from what country she's from, but she certainly knows how to push all the right buttons without going too far...

James Blunt is so outraged by England's Ashley Cole's publicized anti-English text message that he almost blows a gasket on stage

Cashley Cole is Public Enemy Number One. Blunt wants him dead.