Indonesian villagers flee from massive volcanic ash monster cloud

Sophie Reade Christmas calender in the shops today

Better than two partridges in a pear tree, I suppose

National outrage as UK Chav Thug gets a 6 month suspended sentence after vicious assault on terminally ill man

Daily Mail Online quickly withdraws the comments section on this story after the above comments from Alex, London and Wan King.

Giant Teddy abused by female gimp

Offspring of first marriage between a pig and a human is 21 today

Mother and father said to be proud of their prized porker son.

Former fatty, Kelly Osbourne, 26, to wed Marc Silvaman

BBC Security Correspondent Frank Gardner said to be on Osama Bin Laden's Christmas card list

Tony Blair's wife hawks his bookplate signature on Ebay and sells it for a tenner

Wise investment. Could be worth a fortune if ever Tony's indicted for war crimes.

The things you can do with rubber...

David Beckham annoys the hell out of Denzel Washington at LA Lakers game

Prima knows all there is to know about u0fs

Abi Tit'n'ass, Z-list UK celebrity floozie, can't stop giving everyone and everything the horn

Demonstrators bring London to a halt and call for a change of Prime Minister. Rooneymania is unstoppable it seems

Local copper, a Leyton orient supporter, isn't impressed.

Chalk-white-skinned actress, Julianne Moore, nearly 50, shows the world she still has "it"...a ginger one, that is

SPOT THE DUMMY COMPETITION

Harry Potter changes his name to Harriet in new Deathly Hallows cross-dressing film

Meet Debs from Essex...she wants to have fun with another man -- as long as her husband can join in

Russian spylet Anna Chapmanski doing what she does best

woman arrested on Bondi Beach, Australia, for cleaning the beach with soapy suds

George Clooney set to play trapped Chilean lothario miner Yonni Barrios Rojas in movie

Danny Devito to play the short, psychotic bald Chilean miner who threatens to kill all his trapped subterranean colleagues.

Kinky Argentinian President, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchne, says her last sexual fantasy yet to be fulfilled is with a British dwarf this long...

The British dwarf has to be dressed as a pirate, or the show's off.

PRIMA interviews: talking motormouth hedgehog, who has developed a cure for male baldness

Real tits: England's Sophie Reade, famous for being a Big Brother no-hoper

Barbara Windsor's hole was plugged by (the late) Georgie Best

He scored in both holes apparently.

UK TV: envelope frisbee messes up Jezza Kyle's hairdo live in the studio

Spotty Neanderthal scores a perfect score 10. Envelope contained DNA evidence that spotty Neanderthal was the biological father of some faceless chav's baby, which means more expense for the hapless UK taxpayer.

Kanye West shows his choc-cake to choc-cake lover Kim Kardashian

Piranha: amusing scene where pornster loses his penis, and even the fishes with the fangs don't like the taste of his meat

Cretins of Face Party...Meet "da_doormen"

Hardly anything listed in terms of words on his profile. His IQ is probably the same as his shoe size.

Man plays the pussy, and it sounds like a violin minus 2 strings!

WHEN PLANETS COLLIDE: Simon Cowell meets 5092-year-old TaSini from the Auriga Star system

US High school girl promised an Iphone if she smiles in her next photo

Penny for your thoughts, Tiger...