2011 AD...JUST ANOTHER MAN-MADE YEAR IN THE INFINITY OF SPACE

STOP PRESS! Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsey has brain removed and transplanted with banoffee pie after he loses Bet with Jamie Oliver

Ramsey said to be recovering well.

White women who have an overwhelming liking for da black meat sexualized rabbits ears as youngsters, according to new research from Yale University

Amsterdam woman loses her hand down (man) hole....

Bizarre alien transmission interrupts Christmas weather forecast on British tv

Caprice Bourret shows off her latest toyboy on holiday in the Caribeann, Edward Nino Hernandez

Who would love to be a fly on the wall in their holiday room...

Cruz Beckham in hot water as he tries to kick Cameron Diaz on the ass

Hollywood set to remake the Adams Family

Is this the most perfect example of symmetry in the universe?

Aussie fuckhead ex-Cricketer Shane Warne claims Elizabeth Hurley has nipples made of steel on his blog

And her vagina has metallic teeth too. He's got the scars on the shaft of his penis to prove it.

Yuletide Greetings!

Victoria Beckham WOWs the fashionistas with her brand new tee-shirt. Preorders top 5 million.

UK X-Factor: Christina Aguilera uses massive dildo on one of her dancers as they perform song in front of 17 million Brit fucks on tv

Many in the audience were children watching with their parents.

KID: Daddy, what's that in Christina's hand?
DAD: A miniature walking stick, darling.

KID2: Why are the women bending over like that, mummy?
MUMMY: They all have bad backs, luvie.

New Kids on the Block are back on tour, sporting a new look

WASHINGTON: Panic descends when a decapitated ghostly head mysteriously floats above Christmas Tree as it is ceremonially lit at the White House

The Obama family look on in amazement as FBI calls in the Ghostbusters.

NEWSFLASH: Miracle in London as Churchill's statue shits on student protestors who defaced his pedestal

Astra from Stockholm shows off her pet hedgehog

England's Rhian Sugden zipped up

To unzip her, you'd either have to be a multi-millionaire footballer or Paul McKenna, the hypnotist.

Pet Budgie loves its Aussie owner's tools so much that sometimes it leaves droppings on her boobs

Presenter James Naughtie's slip of the tongue on BBC Radio 4

All the world's a cunt, and I'm its biggest cuntface.

21st Century Fox presents: A Californian Girl and her great pair....

...of ducks. "Ducky-girl" opens Christmas Day at selected cinemas.

Cretins of Face Party...meet sjg7

WANTED: For shattering reality as we know it

Daft woman in UK dials emergency services to report a stolen snowman

She told Kent police that she needed the police's involvement because she used pound coins for eyes.

Jennifer Lopez flashes her genitals from a scooter -- exclusive picture

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's lips stuck in a permanent lockjawed pout after blowing boyfriend Jason Statham's cock for 24 hours straight

German bombshell shows off her pet squirrel

Aussie Geek gives it up the ass

Spice Girls reform MINUS Scary Spice

Elves carry out wildcat strike action at Father Christmas's warehouse in Lapland

Now there are doubts that Mr Christmas will be able to meet Yuletide demand. He'll need a bigger sack, that's for sure.

Kelly Brook wows in b/w strapless plumage dress.

4000 parrots died to make it.

Aussie Geek's "Emily" fascination

Russian blonde shows off her pet hamster

His name is Oleg and sometimes he wears a strap-on

Ozzy Osbourne returns to the stage sporting new image

South Korean is the dog's bollocks when it comes to transexuals

Wins top prize for Miss World Transvestite.

WTF?????

Z-list British celeb Katie "Jordan" Price gets carried away at launch of her new perfume "Precious Love"

BREAKING NEWS: The Three Stooges have officially reformed!

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH PRESENTS: aliens observing human mating rituals

American man loses hands after lactating woman oozes superglue from her nipples

The woman's husband, Terry, is apparently fond of her new look.

New Apple iPhone app that will scratch that itch of yours

Hold the iphone to that itch and rub. Can also be used to satisfy other demands. Yours for only $2.99!

Don't forget, it's World Pout Day tomorrow!

Even the dog's doing it...

Bill Clinton up to his old tricks as he shoots (a load) on the set of new Hangover film

Johno, the horny teddy, coming to Bravo TV soon

Osama Bin Laden: exclusive interview

Vanessa Hudgens and her sexy co-star Chi Mutt take time-out from filming their new movie, Journey 2, in Hawaii

Smiley Virus wows audiences in Seattle and points to what she's missing

Harry Potter officially unveils his purple wand to Hermione, overseen by perv Dumbledore

Hermione, gagging for it, finally gagged to her heart's content...well, all of 52 seconds, before Harry unleashed a geyser of man-goo.

Don't forget it's Pancake Day tomorrow

"Maple syrup over nipples" time.

Kelly Brook charges $10,000/minute for revolutionary asthma treatment for men

Ask the man below her and he'll say it's worth every cent.

Rising talent Yung Cho Yee makes it into the top 500 nude tennis rankings for 2010

The Association of unisex nude tennis professionals has 521 worldwide compeTITors.

Adam Ant's puppy stalked by hammerhead transvestite with 7 fingers

Hope the puppy shit is warm, Mr Ant.

Transsexual in pink wig crowned UK national Scrabble champion

Mikki Nicholson took the crown with the word "obeisant", which scored 86 points apparently.

MI6 Chief's daughter was secret assassin for Saddam Hussein

Yumi white knuckle vibe-ride

Indonesian villagers flee from massive volcanic ash monster cloud

Sophie Reade Christmas calender in the shops today

Better than two partridges in a pear tree, I suppose